Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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