Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
