They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
