He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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