she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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