your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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