please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
