ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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