party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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