all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
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