remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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