I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
