turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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