Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
