And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
