There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she pinky promised me she was 18
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
