my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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