i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
