Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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