fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
True strength comes from lack of pants
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
