"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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