You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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