he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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