dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
