Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
