he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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