I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
