Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
