ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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