Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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