After last night, I could never be a politician.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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