She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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