Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
