we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
