do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
