You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
