Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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