i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
