Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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