ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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