is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
