Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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