apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
