omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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