The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
