WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
