I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
