Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
