how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
