He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
