Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
