Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
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