He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
