Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
