her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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