It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
