i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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